


If it doesn’t hurt, then what’s a love for (A.K.A. 5 times ItaJan was in the way of romance + 1 time it helped)

by vogue91



Series: 500themes [19]
Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Anniversary, Confrontations, Doubt, Established Relationship, Love, M/M, Misunderstandings, One Shot Collection, Relationship Advice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 21:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15179336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: "This has got to end. I really don’t understand why ItaJan takes its toll so much on you. I swear the rest of us manage to have a perfectly normal and healthy relationship even after filming for the damn show.”“Well, of course. The rest of you gets sent around teaching kids how to ride bikes comfortably sitting in the back of a van.”





	If it doesn’t hurt, then what’s a love for (A.K.A. 5 times ItaJan was in the way of romance + 1 time it helped)

**Title:** If it doesn’t hurt, then what’s a love for (A.K.A. 5 times ItaJan was in the way of romance + 1 time it helped)

 **Characters:** Yaotome Hikaru/Nakajima Yuto

 **Pairing:** Yaotome Hikaru, Nakajima Yuto, Inoo Kei

 **Rating:** PG-13

 **Word count:** 8.237

**Prompt:[233\. After tonight; 257. Asleep at dawn; 295. The edge of sanity; 330. I wish upon tonight; 344. Hold still, I'm trying to kill you; 397. Sit with me](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)**

**N/A:** So, the episodes of Itadaki High Jump I refer to are respectively:

2017.01.25 – Yuto, Daiki, Hikaru, when Hikaru is hypnotised and holds a cat.

2017.08.30 – Yuto teaching a kid to play baseball.

2017.10.07 – Yuto directing a mini-drama from the parents of a bride.

2017.10.28 – Yuto and Keito investigating natural slides in Japan.

2017.11.11 – Yabu, Yuto, Keito, Yuya, Daiki investigating slides.

2017.11.25 – Hikaru and Kei helping a kid overcome fear of milk.

I’ve played a little with the timeline, especially considering that I’ve made the 11.11 episode happen before the 11.25. I'm sorry, as much as Yuto goes on locations, there was nothing else which served my purpose.

Title is from “Always Take you Back” of Night Terrors of 1927.

 

**_01 – Until the Levee Breaks_ **

 

“Seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever seen something like that during my entire life.”

Yuto had been teasing him for quite a while now; and Hikaru, to tell the truth, hadn't been bothered at all, if it hadn't been for the fact that now they were home, he had plans and he really wished his boyfriend to cut it so that he could’ve exposed them to him.

“Fine, fine. I held a cat, big deal. I exaggerate it most of the times, you know? I'm not _that_ scared.” he muttered, sitting on the couch and shaking his head.

“Of course. If you don’t count that time you asked your niece – who was seven at the time – to save you from the cat that had gotten inside your mother’s kitchen.” Yuto smirked and went to sit next to him, bringing his arms around the other’s neck and leaning over to kiss on his cheek, the affection all to test the waters, Hikaru supposed.

“Alright, I'm scared of cats. I hate them and I loathed them. I'm also a professional, right? Kekeke asked me to pretend I was hypnotized and I did, end of story.” he pointed out.

“You _kissed_ the poor animal, Hikka!” Yuto said then, and that was it.

Hikaru got up on his knees, sending Yuto with his back against the couch, wriggling under him while he tried to escape from his hold, unable to stop laughing.

“Hold still, Yutti. I'm trying to kill you.” Yaotome hissed, which only made the younger laugh harder. “And stop laughing, it wasn’t so funny.”

“I can't. It was plenty funny, it’s worth dying for.” his boyfriend told him, then he managed to get a hold of Hikaru’s wrists and pushed him back, swapping their positions and leaning over him to kiss him.

Which, as a matter of fact, the elder let him do; he mustn’t have been so mad, after all.

“Well, I was planning to take you out to dinner tonight.” Hikaru said when the younger pulled away, grimacing. “But now I really don’t think I will. I think we’re going to stay inside and you’re going to cook.” he crossed his arms, arching an eyebrow.

Yuto straightened his back, looking at him.

“First of all, I think it’s too big of a punishment for the offence. Second, it’s not fair that because of ItaJan we can’t enjoy a nice romantic dinner together.” he smiled, feeling pretty smug. “And third, having me cook seems like a punishment for you, not for me.” he grinned.

Hikaru sat up, bringing his arms around his waist, unable to hold back a smile himself.

“It’s not too big of a punishment, it’s your fault for bringing it too far. So, really, it wasn’t ItaJan that ruined it, it was you.” he pointed out. “As for the third one... you’re actually right, we better call for pizza or something. I need to put something nice inside my mouth, I’ve kissed a cat today.” he pushed him off, getting up to grab the phone. He realized the younger was about to say something, and he rushed to stop him. “And no jokes about putting nice stuff in my mouth. Romance’s dead already tonight, no need to rage over its corpse.”

Yuto stood up, looking guilty as hell, he reached him and pressed himself against him.

“Come on, Hikka. Don’t overreact. It’s legit for me to make fun of you a little, it’s usually the opposite.” he pointed out, leaning over to start kissing down his neck. “Can't we do something very, very romantic even though I’ve been a jerk for a moment here?” he murmured, lewd as he could be.

Hikaru put his hands firmly on his shoulder, pushing him away.

“Well, seen the tone you’re using, we can most definitely have sex. I’d never say no to that.” he paused, grinning. “Just hope you know it’s not a very, very romantic thing.”

Yuto burst out laughing and nodded.

“I do.” he confirmed. “So, call for pizza. I’ll go take my clothes off. I’d say we have about forty minutes or so before they bring it, we’ve done a lot in a lot less.” he kissed him, smiling openly. “Let’s leave romance for when you haven’t been forced to hold a cat, alright?” he suggested, making as to leave; Hikaru held his wrist, keeping him just there.

“I love you just the same, you know that right?” he murmured, bringing his arms around his neck and pressing himself against him just like the younger had done before.

“You can’t tell me that you love me and accidentally let me feel you’re hard already. You told me sex isn’t romantic.” he smirked, but he pushed himself forward, teasing him. “So, I'm hungry. In more than one way. Can we stick to my plan now or not?”

And Hikaru pushed him away, shaking his head.

“I’ll call the pizza place now. I’ll be in the bedroom in like two minutes, if you’re not completely naked by then you won't have romance and you won't have sex either.”

“At your service.” Yuto said, before disappearing behind the bedroom door.

Hikaru was disappointed, somehow; or as disappointed as he could be at the perspective of having his boyfriend’s naked in about a couple of minutes.

He sighed, grabbing the phone.

Sometimes it was incredibly hard not to bring work back home.

 

**_02 – I Surrender Honestly_ **

 

“God, I'm tired.”

That. Not ‘Hi, Hikka’. Not ‘Hey, we haven’t seen each other all day, how have you been doing?’. Not ‘We never spend some time together lately, how about we do something tonight?’.

No. He was tired.

And Hikaru understood that, he truly did. He had had his fair share of tiring days filming for ItaJan, but he thought he had still always found the way to make some time for Yuto as well.

Still, he smiled to his boyfriend when he collapsed on the couch, and went sitting next to him, soothingly rubbing his shoulders.

The younger groaned, smiling.

“That’s what I need, really. No one’s ever going to understand how lucky I am I come back home to you.” he murmured, lost in the touch of the elder’s hands.

“Could’ve gone to a massage parlour. You would've gotten a happy ending out of it too.” he made fun of him, trying not to sound too sour.

Yuto, anyway, didn’t notice.

“Won't I get one here?” he asked, raising his head and feigning surprise, pushing himself further too meet the other’s touch. “Seriously, though. It’s been hell, I swear. I’ve had to teach a kid to play catch, and I found out it’s really not my thing. I thought I was slightly better than that.” he shrugged.

“You play baseball just fine.” Hikaru replied, instinctively. “Well... actually, compared to me. Which I guess it’s not much.” he smirked. “How was the kid?”

“He was cute, really. In the end, I managed to help, I suppose.” he moaned when Yaotome rubbed on a particularly sore spot. “But it was hard nonetheless. I’ve spent the whole afternoon collecting balls around a gym and throwing. I'm having a hard time establishing whether it’s my arms that hurt more or my legs.” he whined. “What about you? How was your day?” he asked, and Hikaru decided he could put a little more effort in the massage now.

“It was fine. You know I really don’t know what to do with myself when you’re not around, so I just went at Kota’s place and hanged out there. Kei made lunch.” he sighed. “Nothing much, really.” he said, licking his lower lip. “So, you’re really, really tired?” he asked, tentatively.

Yuto must’ve heard something weird in his voice; he sat up, crossing his legs and leaning over, as to get a better look at him.

“Yes. I'm really this close to fall asleep on this couch and wake up in two days.” he stated, being careful to stress just how exhausted he was. “Why? Were you really thinking about that happy ending? Because in that case I think I won’t be of much use. But, hey, we’ve been together for years. I have no objections if you want to have your way with me while I'm sleeping.”

Hikaru glared, getting up and shaking his head.

“It’s astonishing how sometimes you manage to sound more disgusting than me.” he reproached him, scoffing. “And I wasn’t thinking about any happy ending, for once. I was just thinking...” he sighed, shrugging. “Nothing. I thought we could’ve gone out for dinner, someplace nice. Since we haven’t really been together in a while. But I guess if you’re tired it’s going to have to be another night.” he said, then made as to head toward the kitchen to find out if they actually had something to eat for dinner.

“Hikka.” he heard the younger murmur, and it actually took him a second to stop and another one to turn to look at him.

“Yes?” he opened his eyes in an innocent expression, trying not to look disappointed.

“Come sit with me.” the younger asked, his voice lower, firm, and it didn’t even pass the elder’s mind not to do just that.

He walked back to the couch, gladly welcoming Yuto when the younger made room for himself between his arms.

“I suppose you’re hungry as well, you should let me go and think about dinner.” he pointed out, a little convinced grin on his face.

“In a minute.” the younger asked. “I'm sorry, Hikka. I'm really done for today. I know you get bored when I'm not here, I feel you. I really do. But why can't we just spend a nice evening here, have whatever for dinner and then, I don’t know, watch a movie?” he asked, sounding pretty reasonable.

“You’re right.” Hikaru replied, sighing. “I understand you’re tired, I'm not mad or something.” he let him know, smiling and leaning over to press a kiss on his forehead. “I just miss you, sometimes. That’s all.”

Yuto frowned, confused.

“What do you mean you miss me?” he asked, puzzled. “We’re always together, save for when we have to film for ItaJan separately or something like that. I’d say you should’ve grown tired of me already for how much time we spend together.” he joked.

“Have you grown tired of me?” Hikaru asked, arching an eyebrow and smirking.

“Not at all. But I'm a very patient man.” he turned into his hug, looking into his eyes. “But, seriously Hikka... what does it mean you miss me?”

Hikaru could’ve chosen to open up a little, to try and explain what he felt, but he just couldn’t find it in him to do that.

It would've made Yuto feel guilty, it would've confused him, and he wasn’t ready to explain to him his twisted mental processes, not when he was so tired.

“It doesn’t mean anything.” he dismissed, shrugging. “Just that I want to spend as much time with you as I can.” he kissed him, bringing his hands to his face. “Especially when you’re trying to teach stuff to kids. You’re sweet with them.” he smiled against his lips, then he pushed him away enough to get up again. “Now that this is settled, can I go make dinner? I love you and all, but I can't live off your presence only.”

Yuto knew there was something he wasn’t saying, but he seemed to realize he wasn’t getting anything from him for the moment.

“Fine. Go and cook. Even though, you know, there’s no way in hell I'm going to follow you, it’s way too comfortable here on the couch. Are you sure you can live long enough to make dinner without me?” he made fun of him, smirking.

Hikaru leant again toward him, and this kiss was deeper than the first ones, he opened his lips, searched his tongue, his flavour, feeling pretty proud of himself when he heard the younger moan in his mouth.

“This should give me something to go on in the meantime.” he murmured, sticking out his tongue to playfully lick at his lip.

The younger didn’t reply, and Hikaru was glad he had finally found a way to make him shut up.

And still, he had lost another round.

But far from him to give up; he was going to have Yuto like he wanted to, no matter how many movies on the couch he had to go through to get him.

 

**_03 – Everything’s in Kilter_ **

 

 _“So, we’re kind of doing this cool thing where we have to produce a mini-drama. It’s wicked, I swear. I'm the director. It... it may take longer than I had expected._ ”

Hikaru breathed in deeply.

Once, twice.

Thrice.

Oh, he could lose it, and Yuto knew that all too well. That must’ve been why he had been using that excited voice, knowing the elder was rarely able to resist it.

Well, Hikaru would've made an effort this time.

“Thought Kekeke said you would’ve made it home for dinner.” he said, still not showing the annoyance in his voice, but Yuto knew better than to think he was off the hook. Or at least, so Hikaru hoped.

“ _Yeah, I know. I... I kind of complicated stuff a little bit. But I want this to come out good, I actually like the project. Dai-chan’s been done a while ago, I just need to refine a few details and go back to the studios to do the commentary._ ” he paused, hesitating. “ _I'm so very sorry, Hikka._ ” he added, trying to convey as much contrition as he could.

Yaotome wasn’t going to buy it.

“You should be.” he murmured, sucking in his lips. “I don’t think I ask for much, Yuto. After all the times I told you I wanted to spend some time with you, we finally manage to make plans, we’ve got a reservation at a nice place and you go and...” he sighed, shaking his head even though the younger couldn’t see him. “It doesn’t matter. Go and do your thing, I’ll call the restaurant to cancel.” he said in the end.

“ _Hikka, I know you’re disappointed. I just want to make this right, it’s work after all, isn’t it? You know I don’t like to do a half-assed job. We can always go out to dinner another time, can't we?_ ”

Hikaru just loved his boyfriend.

He loved how he almost managed to convince him it wasn’t a big deal, loved how he was so damn adorable and loving to bring him to the point of almost forgetting why he was mad in the first place.

He had gotten so close Hikaru felt almost sorry he hadn't stopped just a few words before.

“Right, of course. We can do this another time, it’s not like tonight was anything special.” he said, now his annoyance obvious, but he didn’t let the other time to investigate about it. “Well, I’ll be here when you come back. Do a good job.” he told him, and then he hanged up.

Unbelievable.

 

~

 

Yuto tried to be as quiet as possible when he came back home.

It was incredibly late, but it was something which could've also played in his favour; Hikaru was most likely asleep, so he should've waited until next morning to kill him.

Yuto grimaced at the thought.

He too thought they hadn't spent enough time together lately, and he had been so glad when the elder had asked him out to dinner, something they hadn't done in a while.

But work was work, it had always been like that, and he knew that Hikaru would've done just the same, had he been in his place.

He tiptoed toward the bedroom, and stopped halfway in the living room.

There was a lamp turned on, the only light inside the room, but it was enough for Yuto to see his boyfriend asleep on the couch, a blanket twisted around his legs and his head hanging off the armrest.

He bit his lip, cursing through his teeth.

Postponing the preaching till next morning wasn’t really worth having Hikaru wake up with his spine cracked.

He sat on the edge of the couch, bringing a hand to the elder’s shoulder and caressing him slowly, brushing his fingertips over his skin, trying to be as delicate as possible.

“Hikka?” he called him, leaning over and pressing a soft kiss on the other’s jaw.

That seemed to do it.

Yaotome groaned, fidgeting a little and then opening his eyes, frowning when he saw him.

“Where...” he mumbled, sitting up and looking around. “What time is it?” he asked, brushing a hand over his eyes.

Well, Yuto could've lied. It wasn’t likely that the elder would've checked the clock to see if he was telling the truth.

But he wouldn’t have put it past him, so he just lowered his eyes and grimaced.

“Four a.m.” he admitted. “I told you it was going to take a while.” he whispered, guilty.

Hikaru shrugged, getting up.

“It doesn’t matter. Save for the fact that now you’ll be asleep at dawn and tomorrow we have to get up early. That’s not very healthy.” he said, his voice completely neutral.

“Thank you for being concerned about my sleeping hour.” he told him, just a tad ironic. “Hikka, I'm sorry I...”

“Yu.” the other interrupted him straight away. He scoffed, brushing his hands over his face a couple of times to try and focus. “I'm not nearly awake enough for this, but I’ll try and make it work.” he commented. “Look... I don’t want to play the neglected wife who waits home for her man to return from work and gets pissed because he’s late. Or because he forgets...” he paused, licking on his lower lip.

“Especially since I thought _I_ was the wife.” Yuto couldn’t hold back the joke. “What have I forgotten?” he asked then, frowning.

“It was our damn anniversary, Yuto.” Hikaru informed him. “Now, I know it’s stupid and whatnot, and I don’t really care about the anniversary itself. I just thought it could've been a nice excuse to do something together, that’s all.”

Yuto opened his eyes wide, taking his hands.

“Damn!” he said, shaking his head. “Damn Hikka, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot. I thought...” he glanced at the calendar, as if it had betrayed him. “I'm a jerk. And an idiot. And you have all the right to be mad at me, and I promise I’ll do what I can to make it up to you. I swear.” he said, bringing his hands together and leaning over to press his forehead on the elder’s shoulder.

Hikaru couldn’t hold back a laughter.

“Don’t be stupid, Yutti.” he told him, bringing a hand to the back of his head. “Like I said, it’s not even about the anniversary.” he sighed. “But I really hope the thing you did brings you to Hollywood. I wouldn’t want to have given up on dinner for nothing.” he mocked him, making the younger chuckle.

“Don’t know if I'm there already, but it’s a good start.” he said, and then he couldn’t hold back a yawn.

“Fine, I get it. You’re overworked and tired and all. Let’s get you to bed, Scorsese.” he said, making him stand up straight and leaning over to kiss him.

“God, I must have done something good to deserve such a good wife.” he joked, following the elder to the bedroom.

“Don’t push it.” Hikaru warned him, letting him go on the bed and throwing his pyjama at him.

“No, really. I was already dreading the idea of having to sleep on the couch. You’re so understanding.” Yuto went on, getting quickly rid of his clothes and getting under the covers once he was all set.

Hikaru laid down next to him, sighing.

“I know. You don’t deserve me.” he pointed out, but didn’t push the younger away when he snuggled up to him, resting his head on his chest.

“Happy belated anniversary, Hikka.” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss on his chest and then closing his eyes, exhausted.

“Yeah. That.” the elder replied, but his boyfriend didn’t seem to hear him.

Hikaru tried to go back to sleep as well, feeling somehow comforted by the younger’s presence.

Perhaps, he thought, this was all he could ask for; he should’ve forgotten about dinners and anniversary, and romance and all. Their job was too much of a bitch for that.

Feeling Yuto’s breath against his skin and his body pressed against his own, though, he still thought he could’ve gotten that much, much worse.

 

**_04 – The World Will Follow After_ **

 

When he saw his boyfriend get inside the living room, his eyes empty and his face incredibly pale, Hikaru got damn scared.

And his discomfort grew when Yuto, without saying a word, threw himself at him, hugging him.

“Yutti?” he called him, bringing his arms around him and patting on his back. “Yutti, is everything fine?”

“No.” the younger replied, dry. “No, it’s not fine at all, Hikka. I’ve come really, really close to dying today.” he whispered.

And Hikaru winced, but then he thought that he was safe and sound in his arms, that he clearly wasn’t dead, so he concluded that he must’ve been exaggerating a little bit.

“Ok, I’ll bite. What did they have you do?” he asked, smirking.

“Do you remember the slide thing they had Keito do?” he paused, shaking his head. “Well, of course you do. He’s been whining about it for weeks. Except, today I found out he’s completely right. Staff’s trying to kill us, and we didn’t know that.” he said, theatrically.

Hikaru grinned, pulling away a little to look him in the eyes.

“So? What kind of slides they had you try today?” he asked, still unimpressed.

“Natural slides.” his voice feeble.

And while it sounded pretty scary to Hikaru, the look on the younger’s face was still too exhilarating to take him seriously.

“Well, you lived. I’m pretty proud of you just for that.” he slightly made fun of him, nosing his cheek.

Yuto didn’t seem too pleased at the way he was belittling his undertaking.

“Make fun of me all you want. You would’ve straight refused to do it. I can’t wait for you to see the clip, it was really, really scary, Hikka. They had us fall head first into a cleft which must’ve been something like twenty feet wide. I seriously could've died. Could’ve hit my head and died, just like that. And you wouldn’t have been so smug about it, then.” he pointed out, crossing his arms and pulling away from his hug, leaning against the backrest.

“I'm so sorry, Yu. I didn’t mean to imply it wasn’t a hard task.” Hikaru said, but he kept smiling. “But you’re alive, aren't you? Against all odds. Even considering that we make the agency too much money to let us die sliding down rapids.” he sucked in his lips and tried to get closer again, glad when he saw his boyfriend wasn’t rejecting him.

He made room for himself between his legs and leant over, pressing a kiss on his neck.

“I don’t know. There’s still nine of us and we’re at our tenth year. Perhaps they want us to take the KAT-TUN road.” Yuto commented, grimacing.

“So? Who do you suggest gets whom pregnant?” Hikaru asked almost distractedly, lost in his boyfriend’s skin. “It’s not like Dai-chan and Ryosuke don’t try, but I’ve got a feeling it’s not going to work out so good.”

He was forced to pull away, Yuto laughing too hard for him to keep smothering his neck.

“You’re the biggest idiot who’s ever walked this planet, but I still love the way you manage to distract me.” he told him, pulling him close again and kissing him.

“I'm glad of being of use.” Hikaru murmured against his skin, then he sighed. “So, now that you’ve completely forgotten about your near death experience, do you think we could...”

“Stop.” Yuto interrupted him, sitting straight up and looking into his eyes. “Let me stop you right now: if you’re talking about sex I suppose I can find it in me to spread my legs somehow and moan your name a couple of times. If what you’re suggesting is something else, which doesn’t include me laying on this couch thinking about how I could've just died, I'm afraid I'm definitely not in the mood for it.” he said, then to stress his point he collapsed back, crossing his arms.

Hikaru sighed, grimacing.

“And you said I'm the idiot.” he commented, sighing. “This has got to end. I really don’t understand why ItaJan takes its toll so much on you. I swear the rest of us manage to have a perfectly normal and healthy relationship even after filming for the damn show.”

“Well, of course.” Yuto whined. “The rest of you gets sent around teaching kids how to ride bikes comfortably sitting in the back of a van.” he rolled his eyes. “Have you ever wondered why Keito’s still single?” he added then, and as much as he tried Hikaru couldn’t hold back a smile.

“I still think you overreact. And that one day, when you’re going to come back from your dreaded location and I won't be here waiting for you, you’re going to be very sorry you’ve tried to buy my affection with sex and completely withheld romance.”

Yuto gave him a crooked smile, pulling him down back on top of himself.

“Okay, then. I swear that, _after tonight_ , I’ll make an honest effort to find time and will to live enough to do something romantic with you. I’ll be cheesy and disgusting. There’s going to be rose petals and candles and mushy love songs playing.” he joked, brushing his boyfriend’s hair off his face. “But I need tonight, Hikka. I need to wake up tomorrow morning and be glad I'm still alive. I need to elaborate having been thrown down a waterfall. I really wouldn’t be of much use right now.”

“That’s always the same story with you, postponing until...” the elder stopped, frowning. “Did you just say ‘waterfall’?” he asked then, confused.

“Admit it, you thought I was making a fuss for nothing.” Yuto shook his head. “And I don’t always postpone. I'm just saying that you’re going to have your night, just the way you want it. And that I'm going to make it up to you, but I really have to be in the mood for it.” he reassured him, then he stretched his arms and got up. “Now, can I go to take a shower? I need to take as much nature off of me as I can.”

Hikaru seemed to think about it, then he shook his head.

“Not yet.” he said. “Since you’re too shaken to give me anything else, I’ll take you up on your offer.” he pushed him back down, grinning devilishly. “Get ready to spread your legs somehow and moan my name a couple of times.” he whispered, relishing the groan the other let out.

He was going to take what he could, that was for sure.

And perhaps he had to give it to Yuto, ItaJan was seriously trying to kill him; or, at the very least, severely injure him and their relationship with him.

But he was going to show the whole production who could be more stubborn. It definitely took more than a dive down a waterfall to distract him from his purpose of spending some quality time with his boyfriend.

 

**_05 – Vows are Spoken to be Broken_ **

 

“Hikka, it’s nine, don’t you think you should...”

Seeing the glance Hikaru threw at him, Kei decided it was better to shut the hell up.

“He promised.” he said, gritting his teeth. “He goddamn promised, and I’ve also spoke with Kekeke, I’ve been very casual about it, and he said they should’ve been done filming at eight tops.” he said, his voice so dangerously calm that the elder was actually getting scared for when he was going to burst.

“I know, you told me like a thousand times already.” he said, sighing. “But you’ve actually been in ItaJan’s segments, haven’t you? You know glitches are always around the corner, and if he hasn’t called it probably means...”

“No. It doesn’t mean anything. He must be stuck in traffic, it’s Friday night, it happens. And his cell must be dead.” he licked his lips. “Have you tried Yabu again?” he asked.

Kei was starting to get incredibly irritated at the fact that the younger didn’t let him finish any of his sentences. Also, he was starting to be worried about Kota, even though he knew it was perfectly normal to be late after shooting for ItaJan.

But leave it to Hikaru to turn something simple into an incredible mess.

“Yes. Goes straight to voicemail. Perhaps they’re in some spot with bad reception, Hikka, I don’t...”

“There’s reception on the highway.” he pointed out, and that was it for Kei.

“Hikaru!” he got up from the couch, looking angrily at him. “Look, I'm sorry if you’re disappointed, I'm sorry that they’re late and everything. But you’ve knocked on my door, you’re in my house, you’re drinking all of my coffee, so the least you could do is letting me finish talking and try and see reason. Can’t it just be that they were late filming, despite what Kekeke told you?”

Hikaru sighed, grimacing.

“I'm sorry.” he muttered. “I know I'm a pain in the ass. I suppose I'm also a pain in Yuto’s ass, lately.” he admitted. “I don’t know. It just looks like we can’t spend time together, lately. He’s always tired or late or has some excuses to avoid...” he paused, shaking his head. “I hate how it makes me feel so little like myself. I'm not this.”

Kei looked at him, then went back sitting next to him and firmly took the coffee away from him.

“It’s called being in a relationship, Hikka. There’s always someone complaining about stuff like that. Believe me or not, even Kota whines we don’t spend enough time together sometimes. And you know how that’s definitely not him.” he pointed out.

Hikaru smiled.

“So much that I'm thinking you’re making that up to make me feel better.” he commented.

“I'm dead serious, trust me.” he sighed. “Look, it’s not something you should be worried about. It happens with our schedules. There are good times and bad times, it just looks like from time to time the bad ones go on forever.” he hesitated, turning his nose up. “I'm sure that whatever mysterious plot you’ve made up in your mind including Yuto slipping away from you is pure fiction.” he added, quite sure he had read through his friend accurately.

Hikaru blushed, grimacing.

“I'm not...” he started to protest, but he stopped right away. “Well, I guess I have thought about that. But I'm sure everyone in his right mind would've at least had the doubt that there’s something wrong.” he was about to go on, when Kei’s phone rang. The younger rushed to pick up, quite relieved when he realized it was Kota.

“Yeah. I understand. Well, are you still with them? Can you tell Yutti Hikka’s here?” he paused, keeping Yaotome on edge. “Fine, then we’ll wait here. See you later. Love you.” he hanged up and stalled, not looking the younger in the eyes.

“I'm going to get mad, am I not?” Hikaru asked, scoffing.

“Well, it’s not really...” Kei sighed. “Apparently Yuya and Keito were hungry, so they decided to go and eat something. They’re on the way, though. I told Ko you would’ve waited for Yuto here... oh, well. You heard what I said.” he told him, looking uncomfortable.

Hikaru let go against the couch, whining.

“I really wished upon tonight. I thought we could've made up for all the times we’ve had to cancel plans lately, I wished...” he stopped, sucking in his lips. “But I guess it doesn’t matter, right? It happens, it’s just a phase. I'm sure Yuto’s not slipping away from me at all.” he said, and there was no hint of irony in his voice.

Just resignation, and Kei thought it was much, much worse.

 

~

 

Silence reigned inside the car.

Yuto had followed Yabu inside the elder’s apartment, his eyes low, and had tried to stall as much as he could to avoid leaving and having to be alone with Hikaru.

The elder wasn’t in the mood though, so after Kota had told them about the day they just had, he had thanked Kei for keeping him company and they had left.

Hikaru hadn't said a word to him the whole ride home; it wasn’t really because he was angry, more because his mind was so full of thoughts that he couldn’t bring himself to actually make conversations.

Once they got home, he headed toward the bedroom and Yuto sought refuge inside the bathroom, muttering he felt the need to take a shower.

Hikaru checked the time: it was late enough for him to get to bed. Not that he was particularly tired, but he still felt it would've been a good strategy to avoid any argument, at least for the time being.

He wasn’t sure he could've pretended that everything was fine, and at the same time he was tired being always the one complaining.

He thought he might’ve gotten off the hook like that, but when Yuto came out of the bathroom the first thing he did was lay behind him, wrapping his arms around him.

“Hikka...” he murmured, his lips against the skin of his shoulders, his voice almost begging him.

And there was only so much Hikaru could take.

He brought a hand on top of the younger’s on his chest, brushing them softly.

“It doesn’t matter, Yutti.” he said, glad that the other couldn’t currently see his face. “I'm not mad.” he reassured him.

“It’s been a long day.” Yuto justified himself, despite the reassurance. “We’ve been around, doing slides, and when Keito and Yuya said they were hungry... well, I couldn’t let them starve because you and I had plans. I would've called, but there wasn’t much reception up there, when Kota got Kei’s message he called and...”

Hikaru sat up and turned to look at him, which seemed to be enough for the younger to shut up.

“I said I'm not mad, Yuto.” he repeated, firm. “I’ve had a long day too. It was just the wrong time. Again.” he sighed, brushing his face and forcing himself to smile. “I'm tired, I think I’ll try to get some sleep, if you don’t mind.” he leant over, pressing a very quick kiss on his lips. “Goodnight.”

He got back under the covers, and it took Yuto a while to join him again, keeping his distance this time.

“Goodnight, Hikka. I love you.” he murmured, and there was so much guilt and so little of everything else in his voice that Hikaru couldn’t find it in himself to say he loved him too.

 

**_+1 – And while my heart beats I promise I won’t let you down_ **

 

_Actually, I haven’t been able to see my girlfriend recently._

Ridiculous. And it had also been the first thing to cross his mind, and he was also lucky it hadn't been something worse. He was going to have to kill Kei. He had been the one suggesting they practised the girlfriend bit. He had also told him he had wanted to do him a favour, and that he hoped production wasn’t going to cut it from airing.

They hadn't, of course, because that would've just been too good.

Yuto had been weird for a while now, and he had just gotten weirder after having watched the footage.

They had kept everything very civil after the last sliding around Japan debacle, but they hadn't really sorted through their issues, so the last thing Hikaru wanted was to create even more problems.

Leave it to Kei to let things follow their own course; Hikaru took a mental note to never ever confide in him again.

“ _Seriously, I can't believe you’re still complaining about it.”_ his voice reached him through the phone, and Hikaru could perfectly imagine him scoffing and crossing his arms, with his perfect look of misunderstood genius.

Hikaru was walking home from the station, he had actually seen Kei less than half an hour before after shooting for ItaJan with him and Yuya, but he figured he would’ve called to make the elder keeping some company on the way home.

Inevitably, the subject had befallen again on the cursed episode.

“Of course I'm still complaining. Yuto and I were already on edge, that has only made things worse, I'm telling you. This morning he was all distracted, he barely even said goodbye to me when I left.” he sighed. “He didn’t really need to hear me bitching about not being able to see my ‘girlfriend’ during a segment, Kei.” he pointed out, as he had done at least a couple hundred times before.

He heard Kei sigh before answering.

“ _Well, I don’t care. You’re my friend, and you should be able to tell him if there’s something wrong between the two of you. The fact that you’re older than him doesn’t imply that you’re also the only one in charge of making things work, right?”_

“It’s not about making things work. It’s about...” he paused, realizing only now he had reached his building. “It’s about balance, Kei. I can only tell him something for a given number of times, if I take this any further I'm going to become annoying and he’s really going to grow tired of me.” he grimaced, getting on the elevator. “Besides, I thought you said Yuto had no fault in this, that it was only a phase.”

Kei seemed to completely ignore his last words, which Hikaru found weird even for him.

“ _Are you there yet?”_ he asked, and now he sounded weirdly excited.

“Home? Yes, I'm in front of the door now. But I don’t understand, what...”

 _“I have to go now, Hikka. You... be sure to have fun.”_ was all he said, and then he didn’t give the elder time to reply and hung up.

Hikaru kept staring at the phone in his hands for a few seconds, bewildered.

Have fun?

He opened the door, completely oblivious as to what the elder meant.

The door was unlocked, so it meant at least Yuto was home; the thought, which would've been nice until a week ago, now actually made him dread the way the night was going to go down.

“I'm back!” he shouted from the entrance, hanging his jacket and throwing his keys in a bowl, wearing his slippers and walking toward the living room, frowning.

“Yutti?” he said again.

“Here! Here, here, I'm... dammit.” there was a whine, and Hikaru actually got worried. “Kitchen, Hikka.”

He rushed inside the kitchen, and when he got there he froze on the doorstep.

Yuto – looking pretty good to tell the truth, with tight black pants and a white shirt – was busy around the stove, stirring inside a pot and stretching toward the sink, a hand under the running water.

“Welcome back.” he said, turning for a brief moment and smiling to him. “I'm sorry, I must’ve miscalculated something. The curry didn’t thicken like it was supposed to and meanwhile the vegetables were getting burnt, so I called Yama-chan and he said to add some water, but of course that means it’s going to take a couple more minutes to...” he stopped, blushing, when he realized his boyfriend wasn’t listening to a word he was saying.

“Curry?” was the only thing he managed to catch among his ranting. “Yuto, what are you...” he took a few steps forward, taking a peek inside the pot.

And that most definitely looked like curry. And that in the plate next to the stove definitely looked like yakitori. And the notepad leaning on the counter definitely had Yamada’s handwriting on it, with a few drawings about particularly difficult steps of the recipe.

Hikaru was confused.

“What’s going on?” he asked, and took the wooden spoon from his hands, pushing him so that he could move in front of the sink, taking care of his hand.

“I got burnt. When I added the water it kind of sprayed curry all over the place, my hand included.” he grimaced.

“That’s not what I was... I mean, are you okay? I...” Hikaru tilted his head, still feeling quite lost.

Yuto smiled, nodding.

“I'm okay, don’t worry. I'm just sorry about the glitch; in my mind it looked pretty cool, you coming home and finding the table all set.” he smirked. “I suppose you can’t plan for everything. Yama-chan had warned me that something was going to go wrong.”

“Yama-chan?” Hikaru asked, nodding toward the pad.

Yuto smiled, looking guilty.

“Well, he was here this afternoon. He kind of lectured me about curry rice and yakitori and whatnot. He’s an incredibly bad teacher, he’s got no patience at all. So I had him write down what I should've done. Perhaps I should've just let him cook and the hell with it, but I figured it wouldn’t have been the same.” he sighed, shrugging. He turned the water off, then took the wooden spoon back from the elder’s hands. “You can go shower and change if you want. There should be enough time before everything’s ready.” he told him.

Hikaru had a million questions to ask, but he was still too befuddled to elaborate any of them, so he went along with his suggestion and got to the bedroom, taking his clothes off and going to the bathroom, taking a shower with his mind completely blank.

Once he got out he stared at his closet for a while, realizing Yuto looked definitely too good for him to just wear sweatpants and a shirt, like he always did home.

It mustn’t have taken him more than twenty minutes to do all of that, but when he got back to the kitchen he saw what Yuto had been talking about.

The table was all set, the food on it smelling delicious, and the younger was leaning against the counter, his arms crossed, looking pretty satisfied at the result.

He glanced at Hikaru, grinning.

“I didn’t mean to pressure you into wearing actual clothes.” he said, walking toward him and brushing his fingers through the dark shirt the elder had put on.

Yaotome shrugged, smiling.

“It seemed fitting.” he said. “Hi.” he added then, realizing he hadn't even greeted him since he had arrive.

“I was starting to wonder whether or not I deserved a kiss, actually.” Yuto replied, bringing his arms around his neck and keeping still, waiting until the elder managed to react and lean over, pressing their lips together.

“Well… hi.” he said again, smiling, then he pulled away and looked at the table. “Want to tell me what this is all about, now?” he asked, feeling more relaxed than he had in the last...

Well, in a long time.

“Please, sit.” the younger told him, bowing a little and pulling on a chair. Once Hikaru had done as asked, Yuto sat at the other side of the table, starting to fill the plates with the curry rice. Hikaru thought he was trying to buy himself some time, and didn’t push it.

He grabbed a spoon and took a bite, closing his eyes and moaning.

“You know, sometimes I hate the fact that you’re good at everything you do.” he said, smirking. “It’s delicious, Yutti.” he looked straight at him, sighing. “So? Now that I’ve approved the cooking?”

The younger grimaced, leaning back on the chair.

“Well, you know.” he said, trying to smile. “I must’ve heard somewhere you haven’t been able to see your girlfriend recently.” he crossed his arms, arching an eyebrow. Hikaru grinned.

“Yeah, you know. She’s always busy doing something else. Or tired. Or too busy facing death. Or her friends are hungry.” he played his games, all the while eating, not at all willing to get distracted.

Yuto sighed, shaking his head.

“Kei called, a couple of days ago.” he admitted. “We talked.”

Hikaru risked to choke on a carrot.

“Damn it!” he whined. “That guy is unbelievable. I had already scolded him for having asked that girlfriend thing while we were filming, what...” he paused, taking a deep breath. “What did he say to you?” he asked, trying to keep his cool. And at the same time, to decide what was going to be the best way to kill Inoo Kei.

Yuto smiled, sadly.

“I suppose he told me what you told him. About how you’ve felt lately, about how you thought I was...” he sighed again, then he stood up and moved his chair next to Hikaru, bringing his arms around the elder’s neck and pressing their foreheads together. “He’s right, you know? It _is_ a phase. I'm sorry lately it’s felt like I’ve grown apart, but it’s not like that at all. It’s just that work has been worse than usual, and I'm an idiot because, honestly Hikka... I could've never thought that you would've been so stupid as to believe I didn’t care about us as much as before.” he said, shrugging. “But still, it’s all my fault. And I hate myself for having led you to believe that.” he kissed him, softly, then he hugged him and sighed when he felt the elder hold him tight, bringing a hand behind his head and caressing his hair.

“So, we’re both idiots I guess.” Hikaru murmured to his ear. He pulled away a little to look him in the eyes. “But seriously, Yutti. I’ve been on the edge of sanity in these past few weeks, and it hasn’t been pleasant. I never know what to do with you, I never know when it’s going to be too much. So I tried not to complain, but that’s just put me in a foul mood, and you know I'm not good at dealing with that. I...” he sucked in his lips, bothered by how he didn’t seem to be able to express his point. “I don’t know why I got scared, but I did. And I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to risk and put the thought in your head, in case it wasn’t there already.” he grimaced. “I'm lucky I have such a good friend as Kei.”

Yuto burst out laughing and nodded.

“You are, actually.” he confirmed. “I would've kept thinking you were mad at me for all the times I’ve had to cancel our plans or that I’ve been too tired to do anything but stay home, and it could've gone on for weeks. He’s made the right call.” he told him, then he got serious again. “Look: I know this doesn’t solve anything. I just wanted to do something nice for you, since all you’ve been asking for since the beginning has been a romantic night together. But I know we’re kind of past that now.” he sighed. “I’m not about to resign from work and you aren't either, so all I can promise you is that I won’t go and think it’s okay to just waste time when we have plans together. And I won’t be scared to death by ItaJan’s segments anymore. And I’ll let Yuya and Keito starve. I promise you.” he smiled. “But you have to promise me that you will always tell me whenever something’s wrong, Hikka. You know, with how big of an idiot you are is easy to oversee it, but always remember that I'm an idiot as well.” he joked, relishing the open smile on the elder’s face.

“You are.” he confirmed. “And you can let Yuya and Keito eat, and you have a right to write your will whenever they make you slide down waterfalls.” he took his face in his hands, looking straight into his eyes. “And I’ll just tell you whenever I'm going to have a problem, because I don’t mean to feel like this anymore. Nor to need Kei’s help ever again.” he pulled him closer, kissing him again. “Next time I'm going to want to spend time with you, I’ll just do that as it comes. Doesn’t have to be anything big. I’ll light up a candle and we’ll watch The Empire Strikes Back on the couch, and I’ll be happy just like that.”

“Make that Return of the Jedi and you’ve got your deal.” Yuto grinned, kissing him again and again. “I love you, Hikaru.”

“I love you too, Yutti.”

They lingered for a moment like that, as if unable to let go, but in the end the younger pulled away and got back to his seat.

“Let’s eat properly, now. Yamada’s gonna want an accurate review from you, and you better be nice to me.” he said, lightening the mood.

“Let’s see how nice you are to me, then we’ll talk.” Hikaru joked, looking mischievously at him. “I'm hoping this isn’t all the romantic night includes?” he asked, allusive.

Yuto arched his eyebrows, smirking.

“You know, someone once told me sex isn’t romantic.”

“He must be a real idiot.” Hikaru scoffed.

“He is.” Yuto laughed. “But I love him anyway.”

And that, Hikaru decided, was all the romance he could possibly ever need.


End file.
